Over this last period in conjunction with my studies surrounding grief and loss i have been identifying many aspects, levels and layers of the blueprint i have received from my mother and the generations before her.
Through my daily interactions with my environment i receive the information and stimulus to reflect back on my own reactions and responses to discover exactly ‘what is my contribution to this interaction and what patterns, beliefs, limitations am i using as my context?’
Blueprints. During my self work and discovery i have come to understand what it means for me the concept of a blueprint in respect to things that are passed onto you from your parents and the generations before them.
In my reading and experience i have seen first hand the concept of epigenetics as discussed by Bruce Lipton in his book the Biology of Belief.
A week or two ago i found myself experiencing feelings of loss and sadness. There have been some stressors in general in my life at present but this appeared to have come on by itself. I was able to identify it by being mindful of my mood and feelings and also by my responses to my environment.
It is my experience that if i am involved in a pattern which has its roots based back in the years of conditioning approx. 0-7 years my environment will display and play out like a movie to reflect exactly those old beliefs and patterns as if to provide proof that these are true and correct, and in my context without an expanded awareness, intelligence , and an understanding of the nature of things if that was all i knew then it would be to me true and correct.
The feelings i had been experiencing were around loss, sadness, being bullied, self pity, despondency, dejection, self doubt of my capabilities and a sense of a lack of data to be able to manage and proceed forward. This last piece of information “ a sense of a lack of data to be able to manage and proceed forward”. was a direct clue that the part of me i needed to explore and to address was indeed a young part or a young child aspect of myself.
I am 41 years old and i do indeed have the capabilities to manage and move forward through conflict so technically the data for these skills exists within myself but not for the child aspect which is the one that has been the creator and pioneer of these old beliefs and patterns. If we look into the realm of quantum physics we discover that there is in fact no linear constructs such as time and everything is happening all at once. I have discovered with this in mind that you may have some parts of yourself for example lets say the child aspects that are in a state of disrepair in one area of development and at the same time you have some other parts the older or adult parts that have developed skills in this area of development. You will be able to move forward in a positive direction to a point at which stage depending on the mass of development or suffering from the parts that are in disrepair become a critical mass and they can reach a tipping point and either lead to a place of repair and healing or move in the direction of more suffering. This is all dependent on our day to day choices around mindfulness, self care, development and evolution.
When you have many aspects of yourself at different stages of repair or disrepair you can identify a memory, an age and the origin of the belief system or pattern that is behind the suffering and using tools such as regression, hypnosis other counselling techniques and sound therapy you can repair and bring new information and understanding to these aspects. As you do this this allows those parts to connect and re-join to the healthy and balanced aspects of yourself. As you continue on this journey the more you use this practice the greater the energetic mass of health, wellbeing and balance is assimilated. The result is a stronger self, a natural resilience, increased compassion and empathy for yourself and your environment, the focus is moving more and more away from your own suffering because you are tending to it and creating harmony and in turn you are more able to assist and be present for those around you.
Please note that it is imperative in my experience of this type of work that as much as possible the repair needs to be done by all three of your centers- those being the moving centre, the emotional centre and the intellectual centre. *Gurdjieff
During one of the hypnosis and regression sessions i did i went into the session feeling bullied and completely overwhelmed. I had many parts operating. I did not want any conflict anymore and i certainly did not want to be picked on either .Also in my thoughts i was concerned about the welfare of the other person whom i was having this experience with. I had a clear understanding of their suffering which i would have been happy to speak openly and perhaps do some of this kind of work so we both may be free of the conflict and associated discomfort. I needed to search to find what was it in myself that was contributing to the overwhelm and intensity of the situation. Without the added intensity i as an adult under any normal circumstance would be able to navigate through the resolution without much extreme of emotions or distress. So here i found a child aspect of myself that was running through this conflict with me and it was the part that was the most greatly distressed.
This child aspect we can call 3yr old Storme. During the regression i recalled a memory of when it appeared the rug had been pulled symbolically from under my feet. At that memory recollection my mum was in a distressed state herself and she was unable to connect to me and provide reassurance or a sense of security to me. At age 3years as children we are all attached to our primary caregivers emotional centre and there is no distinction between our own and the primary caregivers. As my mum was experiencing high levels of uncertainty and anxiety so did i. My perception was that i couldn’t find certainty from my mum at that time so i then went off by myself, trying to suppress the feeling but also feeling very alone. The belief which formed was that this ‘distress’ can come from nowhere and you will be blindsided. The thing you want the most which is to cling to your caregiver is not available in complete or only partially. From there on the learnt behavior is to suppress the feeling of uncertainty and move forward on your own, separating from your environment.
This particular regression i used a technique to aid in bringing understanding to the child aspect so they could learn a different behavior as they would then have the data to choose differently. So the technique used was for the 3yr old Storme to visualise looking into her mums heart and to see what information was available there. I discovered so much pain, anguish and sadness inside there. I was taken to memories of my mums where she was bullied at school. I was then shown memories of my grandmothers suffering in relation to conflict and back to her mother. Upon seeing this lineage of suffering my understanding was so clear i became full of compassion, empathy and acceptance. I continued in receiving bodytalk applications from my colleague and we worked to create repair and to release this pattern of suffering that had been passed on as a part of the generational blueprint to myself and my daughter. The thoughts surrounding these events for myself and the generation of women were “why is this happening to me” “i just want to participate and be a part of this group without conflict” “i need order and clarity so i can understand what is expected” “this has come from out of nowhere i have been blindsided” “i am excluded” and so on.
It is important to note that my experience and memory there as a 3year old child was also the memory and experience of my mum. We are so interwoven that we simply inherit ad carry with us pretty much everything and given certain choices and stimulus from our environment we can either stimulate and repeat the steps that have gone before us or make new choices in a different direction.
So inadvertently and unconsciously i had attracted in as a result of these patterns and associated beliefs a similar experience for myself. Parts of me were circulating the same thoughts and feelings whilst the mindful part of me was observing them. In a nutshell i have it affirmed everyday in my experiences that i am always co creating with my environment and i will always have some pattern, issue or belief system that needs to be addressed and investigated. As i change myself from within so does my environment reflect these changes. This is how we can create a more harmonious world from the inside out.